She looks directly at me,
Forcing me to lower my gaze.
She looks beautiful and graceful,
Warm and welcoming.
I quickly shake off the feelings
That she has aroused in me.
An awkwardness soon seeps
Into the room.
As her presence becomes more prominent.

I continue to gaze at the floor
Trying to avoid eye contact,
Wishing away this moment,
I mumble in response to her questions.
She persisted with these questions
That enlisted my answers,
Confusing my thoughts
And haunting my heart.

I wish that I were blind
For I see the glow in her eyes,
The subtle gestures
That highlights her attraction
Towards me.

I wish that I were deaf
For her soft caressing voice
Bestirs my beating heart
Creating a rhapsody
That I can barely suppress.

I know that she loves me,
I wish it were not so
For she deserves better,
Because I am afraid
To love and lose her
As has been in the tale
That I have lived.

I wish this moment would end
Yet she continues to engage me
In conversation.
She remains by my side
Expressing her concern,
Trying to raise my falling spirits.

“I love you”
She repeats,
And I close my eyes,
Telling myself that its the chemo,
The kidney biopsy,
The pain.
I wish that I did not hear her say that.

Years later,
I wish that she was here
By my side
As the Cancer revisits me.
I wish that her strength
And loving were here
To help me through it this time.