I struggled to understand
The situation
That existed between us.
I sometimes go back in time,
In my mind, to that place
Where we were once together,
Before like driftwood
We floated away,
Far, far away from each other.

I suffered and laboured
Through the chemotherapy
Not knowing why your arms
Were no longer willing to embrace me.

I observed you
As you watched me.
Sometimes you seemed to be lost
In the chasms of your mind,
At other times it seemed that you wished
For a verdict to be pronounced-
To punish me
Or to set yourself free…

Expectantly, fearfully
I waited for the blow
That would surely follow
And each time we slept
Next to each other,
I felt utterly out of place.

I needed your assistance,
I needed to know
That I had you,
But as time moved along,
I became aware of the cruel fate
That was as inevitable
As the sandcastles melting away
Into the sea.

You left me!

It has been six years.
I am on chemotherapy… again.
Knowing what I do now,
Having experienced all the agony before,
The tragedy and its magnitude so clear
Even as the fog like reality overpowers me
As my mind made its journey to the past…

A surprising revelation unveiled,
As I made a heartrending discovery-
I never saw the tears
When you were crying in the rain.