I came a week late for the call up
and they put me in jail for being drunk and disorderly.
Next day an overweight sergeant
who was used to see young men being afraid of him said
that I was a disgrace.
When I laughed he went purple
and lost his voice,
little did he know
that I had grown up in the merchant navy.
Kitchen duty for you he piped,
fine with me where else is a cook supposed to be,
and thus 18 months passed,
I still don’t know how to present arms,
to smartly march and fire a rifle,
but I still know how to down a pint
and live my life as I wish.