The Shadow

a poem by Aditya V Ojha

Caught in the horns of a dilemma, with
The Past, casting a long shadow,
The Future, uncertain: staring bleakly;
The Present, so powerful – almost omnipotent –
proving to be, the bane of my miserable existence.
Reflecting the past, wanting to cast it away,
yet, unable to break the shackles and
set me free, let me live, peacefully!

All that I hold dear, cherish, desire;
Cruelly imprisoned, in the days gone by;
suffocating my feelings, strangling my emotions,
leaving me, at the mercy of time.
Time, represented by the future, conniving with it,
forcing me to compromise,
go down on my knees, bend in abject surrender,
to the dictates of this unholy alliance/nexus.

I am caught, between the proverbial
Devil and the Deep Sea,
being asked to make a choice,
between the one I want/need/crave, and
the one which is – in their lingua franca – right;
wrecking havoc in my life,
raising uncomfortable questions, for which,
seemingly, there are no convincing answers.

My heart aches for my lost love,
tears streaming down, unashamedly,
wailing, hard and long for it;
unable to reconcile to this monumental loss,
being a mute witness to this mayhem, silently
acquiescing for this torture and bloodless coup;
having to give up on a harmonious, perfect symphony
for the cacophony of others’ ideals.

Fighting a losing battle, with hands tied behind,
ranged against morality, duty and responsibility,
with no room – whatsoever – for
happiness, self-fulfillment and satisfaction.
Bottling up my feelings and aspirations,
being led – like a lamb – to the slaughter house,
my cries of anguish, stifled; my moaning, silent;
just a faint echo, in the vast darkness of existence.

As always, putting my thoughts to paper,
‘fraid to share it with anyone, lest it cause pain,
throwing myself at the mercy of time and tide,

knowing fully well, they wait for none,
quietly mourning the loss, all alone,
torching my aspirations, desires, love
veering around to face reality ‘Aditya’, for
The Past is no more; The Future, not yet!!!