Morbid Freedom

a poem by Suhas Chavan

Look, perceive within,
Who knocks at those very walls,
the resonating thudding waltz
in the space within,
Clumsy clamour to
break free, free from every
umbilical leaning and a
resigned dependence
of sorts.
The burden of belonging to One
who cares less,
lesser than before
today;
Will it never end.
Hoping futilely to bring back the
loneliness,
As usual
somewhere a tinkling bell
of old acquaintance
gratifies the mind
aligning chaos with the present,
Doomsday with Newtonian Physics.
Her presence, a dull throb
hurting between
the stooped shoulder blades,
Sudden flashes of guilt
Like a hemorrhaging knife
in the wintry morn!
I want to push it away, flee away
yet it grows on me, into me
Ever so stealthily,
I feel as a blind thief on
a darkened street;
who cannot perceive
the graffiti “Death”
upon the walls bleached-bare,
whitewashed, staining
with the blood
oozing, straining
falling free; his blood.
And I can’t identify him? Is it I
rolling over and over,
in the fetid stink,
missing a footing,
and losing
my balance, Soul,
Our World?
How I long for that “Yesterday”!
Wishing that you went away
and stood partially eclipsed,
the door between us,
a strange knock, yours,
which I won’t reckon to
this time.