Author Archives: Deeksha Marur

Truth about my weakness

Betrayal wasn’t enough, he broke my heart
Empty promises weren’t enough, he broke them too
Unanswered questions slowly being answered
Nonsensical talks, drunken escapades
Everything’s now making sense!

Reason for rejection, the unfulfilled empty and,
Stale cliched promises broken from within;
My heart broken into pieces;
Shocked and shattered
Dejected and rejected, mixed emotions
Flowing inside of me.
No chance of faith
No room for hope to heal the wound inside of me and help me stay strong.

Ain’t no peace, ain’t no loving,
Within me all that is left is nothing,
A million pieces of my heart on the floor resembles the shattered pieces of a mirror
This has got me weakened from within.
To think of him as my friend is my mistake and
To let him walk on my heart was my weakness.

He was my weakness as well as strength
But now my own strengths all gone and broken my trust;
What to believe and what not to I cannot tell.
The weakness remains the same and the strength’s all faded and grey.
Both my strength and trust betrayed but then
Nothing changes the truth about my weakness.

However much it hurts me, it never made a difference to him
When I confessed my love to him he denied
And I never let him see the hurt I felt
Pain and sorrow played upon me,
He didn’t see and never will
I still loved him for who he was without thinking about me but then I forgot
That nothing changes the truth about my weakness.

All the hurt that was given I took without complaining;
I smiled as I cried from within, just to see him happy
And not let any of my tears or pain be seen.
His happiness alone was within mine
Never was any of my pain seen cause I realized
Nothing’s going to change the truth about my weakness

Nothing will change the hurt and heal the wound inside of me
Nothing will change the simple truths about my weakness
As I learn to live strong and face the truth
Memories of him running through my mind
It hurts me, it makes me cry, it pains me
The truths about my weakness.

The wasted tears, unwanted attention,
The unnecessary talks about love,
Everything makes a fool of me
The love I had turned out a joke
My feelings made insensitive
From the feeling of everything nothing is left
Soar from within I’m hurting because of the truths about my weakness.

A series of feelings

I’m sitting here in front of the only thing that has no say in my life
Or doesn’t scream at me or say anything to me…
The computer…
Its an important thing in my life for a simple reason cos
I get to write a lot and abuse it…
I could sit and cry in front of the computer and it wont ever tell…
I could sit and write what my thoughts are and t wont snitch.

Life for everyone else around me is fully hectic
And it seems so weird that I feel neglected… and I can’t tell…
I can’t tell for the people I care for the most might just laugh it off…
My heart hurts from a heart break and I still can’t feel love around me…
I do but I don’t at the same time…
There’s a motion of stillness in the air and
Unspoken words don’t get through to People anymore…

They ask to speak up if I feel neglected but what happens even then…
I’m left feeling even worse for nothings cleared up…
My minds filled with questions and unanswered doubts…
Doubts bout life… bout love… bout friendship… bout relationship with my family…
There’s no one to hear me… no one to reply back to me…

Where is the love?

Where is the one person whom I can just pour my heart out?
Where is the light of my life… the apple of my eye??

Where are the happy times I deserve?
Where are the times everyone cared??

Why do I feel neglected…
A lot of people love me but unintentionally they hurt me…
When will I get the answers to my questions?

Everything’s let alone…
I sit here at the computer writing this blog and crying my tears out…
How much more time will it take for me to get what I want…
The love that I need??

Whatever happens happens for our own good is how the saying goes?
But what good is not being loved and being neglected…
Get me out of this feeling of loneliness…
Get me out of this horrid feeling of being neglected…
I want to be loved that’s all I ask for…

To be loved and to love…

Grey

Life’s not just black or white
Neither are the days that go by
Everything’s perfect, everything all happy and colourful

Red symbolizing love or the blush on my face
Yellow describing my smile
Brown the colour of my eye

Everything’s topsy-turvy and yet still great
The never ending smile smeared across my face
Suddenly blue is my favourite colour

Sitting alone in the corner of my mind
Its a dark room with just one ray of light
My colourful life’s gone all grey

Grey neither part of the colours nor black or white
Grey symbolizing the emptiness I feel within
Grey is the colour of the season – grey is all I’m left with!

The Mirror Image

Staring back at herself, she look blankly
Her eyes filled with unflowed tears
A meek smile smeared across her face
She looks at herself with shame and disgust
The complete opposite of what she looks like
Hidden beauty seen only through the mirror image
Undescribable beauty , the never ending smile on her face
The gorgeous and astonishing face seen
All hidden under her skin.

I stand alone

The world seems so blurry to me
With everyone turning their backs on me
I stand alone
Facing all my fears and shedding tears

I stand alone to face the world
I stand alone walking aimlessly on the never ending road
I stand alone fighting the cold wintery storm that’s starting inside of me
I stand alone, in the middle of the road,
The road that takes me to my unknown future and reminds me of the past

I stand alone trying to figure out what to do with life
I stand alone for the fear of being with someone,
Someone who will love me and care for me, for the person I am
I stand alone to wait for what life brings to me

I stand alone while people come and go in front of me
I stand alone as my life’s going hay-wire and everything’s topsy-turvy
I stand alone, learning to fight my fears,
To live with myself
And see what life gives and where life takes me!

I stand alone, although I look weak my heart is strong and willing to move on!

I Cry

As I hide myself in my bathroom…
As the water from my shower falls over me, I cry
I cry for the fact that I haven’t done anything achieving in my life for me to be proud
I cry because I haven’t been able to prove myself worthy
I cry under the shower for my tears are unseen and untold about
Under the skin is where I hide my true self
Under the smile I wear across my face are the lonely hundreds of tears I have cried
I cry for hope, hope for my life to become better
I cry for me to become better
I cry for the fact that I secretly hate myself but the tears I shed are the most waisted on me!!

Fragile

Fragile like the glass on my window,
That’s weak and breakable,
Fragile is my heart,
Almost broken.

Weakened by own strengths
Almost shattered by my sorrows
Darkness at my door.
One touch and I’ll break
Fragile, that’s what I am.

Not wanting to be touched
Not wanting to be held
But if you do get a hold of me, then
I’ll break because I’m fragile
So handle me with care.

Fragile much more than you know
Breakable just before I turn to strength
One hurt, a thousand wounds,
They bleed inside of me
Watch out I’m at the verge of breaking, I’m fragile!

Falling apart is all of me
Confusion, moroseness and dark times
All fall back into my life
I can’t take it any more
I’ve started to break cause me being fragile!

Handle me with care and
Find me staying together a little longer
Hold me tight or push me aside and
I shall break right away into pieces
Because I am FRAGILE

Summer Rains

Rain falling on the muddy roads
The lights are out
Winds blowing through the window
The feeling is so blissful
The surrounding is so full of serenity
Peace in the minds of the people who awaited the showers

Refreshing and blissful this is a treat
A difference in weather from the summer heat
The smell of the coalition of the water with the mud
The grey clouds in the sky hiding the sun from coming out
The lightening seen in the skies
The thunder that can be heard
A sign for more showers
The summer rains

The sight of the dewdrops over the leaves
The smell of the leftovers of the showers
The want for more
The thirst for more by the plants and crops
The birds fly back to their homes
The sight of the caterpillars and insects crawling back onto the grass
All these sights a sign of by the gone summer rains

…and I

And I sat there looking at the way life’s changed around me
It seems like yesterday we were the best of friends… and today… just strangers apart…

And I sat there looking at how there’s silence in the air…
No voices heard… no music… no life… just stillness in the air
It seems like the noises are over shadowed by the sounds of silence…

And I sat there waiting for the perfect moment…
The perfect time… to let you go… and there’s no looking back…
It seems the moment has finally come…

I want you

When the darkest of times are bestowed upon thee
When the hollowest of feelings creep into the minds
When the moods all blue and there’s no one to talk to…
I want you to be the one who’ll hold me in your arms and help fight all these thoughts!!

When the days go bad and the nights all gloomy
When the night shadows of sadness creeps upon the happiness…
When time takes you away into another world, a space your completely lost in thought
When life feels like a drag and there’s nothing to do
I want you to be the one who realizes the worth of friends… I’m here for you!

My space… My time (Part 2)

Confused and lost in an unknown place
There’s nothing I’m able to do but wait
I ask for two things to get myself back
I ask for my space… my time

Wandering aimlessly in the leisured side of life
I wait for this phase to go away
I wait for myself… the real me
As I search for answers I ask for my space… my time

Blurry in vision and restricted in thought
Sitting in the corner of my mind, I am
When help comes, I reject and ask
For my space… my time

Give me the space I need
And give me the time I want
I need it to get myself back to normal
I need my space… I need my time so I don’t loose myself within

My space… My time (Part 1)

Untitled-1 – Mar. 30, 2006 at 11:51 PM
What does it take for someone to give you your own time and space…
What does it take for someone you love, to understand you
How long will you let yourself go through with this
Why don’t people understand you and be there for you when you want!
Why am I not gettin’ my space that I need
Why can’t I be left alone…

What will it take for me to get my space
What will it take for me to be alone
What will make you realize what I’m going thru’…
What should I do to get out of it?

Leave me alone for a day or two
I will be okay and find my way
If not now, in a while I will
I just need to think and be with myself!

That’s all I ask for…
My space… My time…
That’s I need for now from you
My space… My time…

Me against the world…

It’s me against the world
That’s how I feel…
It’s me against my life
That’s how things seem…
Its me against my wishes
That’s how I can see things!

It’s me against the world
Turning its back on me…
It’s me against my life
Life’s taking the wrong path…
It’s me against my wishes
Their coming undone

It’s me against the world
One on one…
It’s me against the world
Just me alone
It’s me against the world

Blame it on time

We knew each other so well… we don’t know each other so well
We told each other our secrets… we don’t tell each other our secrets
We talked often bout everything under the sun… we don’t talk often bout everything under the sun
We shared things with each other… we don’t share things with each other
We confided in and trusted each other… we don’t anymore
We were good friends close to each other… we’re good friends but far away from each other…

Time has changed me… time has changed you… time has changed us…
Blame it on the time… blame it on us…
Where are the times we used to talk and crack silly jokes
Where are the times we used to confide in each other and tell each other stuff…
But I guess time does things like these to everyone…
There’s nothing that can be done to get over this phase
But move on…

Blame it on time… for the times we’re missing out
Blame it on time… for the misunderstandings created…
Blame it on time… for all the days we didn’t speak to each other
Blame it on time… for the days we fought and argued
Blame it on time… for losing out all most of our friendship…
Blame it on time… that’s all we can do…

The withdrawal

Emptiness in my thoughts
I’m unable to figure out what’s going on
I’ve become so moody I don’t know why
I wanna cry but the tears seem to be so dry
I wanna laugh but only a meek fainty smile appears

I wonder why these moods swings and depression
But get no profound answer… just a blank expression
I feel so prodigal and ignored
But from within, I know I’m loved and cared for
I try to get over this stage and
I try to move on by trying to ride this scary wave
But all I get is nothing in return

Unable to take this dejection I feel and the mood swings
I’m losing myself within
I’m going against myself, I’m breaking and hurting
I wanna break free and smile
Emotionally stressed out and mentally frustrated
I feel like running… running away from myself

I try to ride the wave of mixed emotions but I’m losing control
I can’t seem to do all I want to but instead I’m doing what I dislike
Depression and morosity are filling up inside of me
I’m loosing, I’m breaking
I’m troubled and I know not how to come off this stage

I’m giving my hand out
But no one seems to be taking it
I’m falling
But no one seems to me helping me up again
I’ve tears rolling down my face
But there’s no one to wipe them
I’ve been searching for answers
But I can’t seem to find any
I try to smile and laugh
But when I see no one around I withdraw.