Poems by Ajai Narendran

A Requiem

a poem by

Ajai Narendran

(Dedicated to Dr.Kalpana Chawla
who was on board the Space Shuttle Columbia)

Even as a child
You knew well before that
If little feet could make little journeys
then your destination could not be so far away
because your vision pierced through the neon glow
out into the constellation’s star lit fringes.

You left this bright blue spot
that was your campsite, your only one
on your cosmic sojourn,
an adventure that later turned out to be
a pilgrimage that released you
from the Confines of the space capsule
and the soul cages
to the immensity of the intergalactic spaces and beyond.

Darting across the touch down path,
that turned out to be your take off route,
your heart must have skipped a few beats in excitement
at the thought of a reunion with your loved ones,
at the elation of completing yet another mission,
at the enlightenment of beholding an integral vision
of our planet in it’s cosmic back drop,
and your home that rocked like a cradle
on strings of time that at once stretched,
in one wild swing through
the loop holes of safety
to eternity and the realms of infinitude
taking you to the abode of no return.

Sure you must have sensed throes
Of an impending disaster as things went wrong
One after the other, when moments seemed like eons
And the inevitable became the only choice left.
But undeterred you went along
Right into the unknown,
Into the black hole of destiny
Hidden in the luminescence
Of boundless emptiness in all its fullness
That engulfed the nothingness
Everything eventually gets reduced to.
What was it that you felt then…
Was it a momentary rage
Of technology taking too much for granted,
Was it the seraphic joy
Of total submission to heaven’s decree,
Or was it just a numb stillness
Suspended in blissful oblivion?

Soon perhaps I will spot you flitting
through skies into this region, rushing back home,
many might sigh a star is shooting
and gaze at it, assuming
some Zodiacal mishap-
whereas there quitting spheres
that will be your winged soul
a flurry to join us
like a bright streak of hope
Through the obliterating dust of the bygone
And recurring fears
here on earth, to lead us through a regeneration
and another transformation.

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Summing up

a poem by

Ajai Narendran

When miles seem to shrink down
at every finger tap on the key board
When 0s and 1s
dart across the emptiness
of the super-conducting-super-collider tunnel
engulfing the information super highway
When collisions and deletions and materialization
of myriads of thoughts and emotions
pass through the logic gates
of man-machine mother board’s programmed free will…
this separation now seems
like a wild amusement
and effacing misconceptions
seem like a childlike attunement,
and agony the silent joy.

Loneliness that casts her
forlorn dark shadow
on white patches of time
loomed up with stretching space
now seem to have built
a canopy of shade
against blistering heat waves
of infidel thoughts and recurring fears.

The opacity of the unknown
has now become a prism
generating perspectives of many hues.
Vagabonds of experiences
that once strayed into my arms,
then got shaped into memories
of fond remembrances and futile forgetfulness
of imperious realities
are now getting metamorphosised
in the dark womb of desire
into cloned-luminous dreams.

Remorse that once yelled at woes
sprung from the gorge of self deception
have now become silent prayers
resounding in the altar of acceptance
blowing into life
the faint, flickering amber of hope.
Things have changed,
transformed and transmuted
far beyond the expected patterns
of all calculated moves.
Even those flashes of insights
and streaks of inspiration
that came in a gush
seem to have dripped out
much like the spent out glow
of the glowworm that perched
on this hand for a while
and then flew away
becoming just another fly
in the alarming heights
of swarming thoughts.

How true…
half of what is seen
is not understood,
much of what is understood
is not told,
More of what is told
got obliterated of its import
adulterated with words
for high impact.
The rest… the rest surface
like murk in the offering
before the deity of grace unbound,
and the very playful swindler
of many a turn around.

So be it!…

Is clear vision more perceptive
of sun’s red spots
than myopic vision?
Will blindness ever get perturbed
at the bulb’s dimming brightness in
voltage fluctuations?
and does the unseen cease to exist
any more than the seen, yet unperceived?
Seeking out answers
for seemingly endless questions
is much like trying to discern beforehand
which seed will germinate
among the millions sown
on an unfamiliar terrain.

Just leave it!

But that really doesn’t matter much
for, now there is a feeling that
was not quite there before,
that things will get better and better
no matter how much gets transmuted
or how much lies unperceived
no matter how less I cherish
or what all will eventually perish,
no matter how much I forget, falter and fall
or how often I regret,
no matter what public opinion is
or what heaven’s decree will be
no matter what not…
this sickening forlornness
too will fade away into
another awareness suspended
in blissful oblivion!

A speck of moon
and those handful of stars
will fill up my entire sky.
Yes, how reassuring is the consolation that
I am alive and so does the rest of the world too!
So much of noise, a little voice
silence, and missing notes
will make my music complete,
my seraphic symphony!

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Karma

a poem by

Ajai Narendran

Just like that little girl
who merrily left
after briskly erasing
those neatly done sums
on her little black slate,
I too will leave one day
erasing everything at once
with a smile that can hide
all my pain and forsake my this very life.
Like the powdered white chalk piece
now gone without a trace
I too will crumble into dust
and disappear leaving no trails.
But even then
Is everything erased from everywhere
and vanished for ever?
Do not the erased sums
still exist in her mind
as symbols, numbers and figures?

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Urbanised

a poem by

Ajai Narendran

To see, To be seen,
To be seen seeing, To see being seen…
In this mundane existence
of information super highway,
live in relationships and chill out mania
what else do we look for?
May be it is this ‘zest for life’,
in a self-forgetful way;
may be it is this very life
we lose out in living thus!

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Illusory Perceptions

a poem by

Ajai Narendran

When I get some thing that I sought for long
I say to myself, Time is a veil.
When I seek the same thing
that slipped out unawares and later find it
in the same place in a trampled transformed state
I say to myself, Space is yet another veil.
When the awareness and the memory
of my seeking and possessing it slowly crumble
and fade disappearing into the void within
I say to myself everything is just a web of illusion
knit by the ever stretching looms of time
tucked to the rapidly shifting points in space.
When I myself change without even a moment’s introspection
I say to myself, The so called personality
is nothing but an ephemeral translucent mask with
ever-changing colours and shapes.
When my words and deeds contradict each other
I say to myself, Each word is superfluous,
each deed an added lustre.
When I am alone away from the crowd running amok
and listen to my heart beats I feel convinced
that everything is temporal… a fleeting show,
a projection on my mental screen!

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Mystified by the clouds

a poem by

Ajai Narendran

Like a surrealist painting
with ever changing meanings and interpretations
the hovered clouds high above
cast on the canvas of blue
changed its patterns every moment
sometimes totally veiling the sun.
Myriads of patterns kept changing
until there was a cleft through which
the sun shone like a radiant eye
beneath gently opening lids.
Slowly the clouds moved apart adrift,
along with the bright red twilight
and all of a sudden the eye got transformed
into an entrancing smile
stretching across the horizon and beyond!

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Providence

a poem by

Ajai Narendran

Do not be surprised
if in the wilderness of illusions
a seed of reality sprouts
and bloom into a flower.

Do not be surprised
if in the darkness of despair
an extinguished amber of hope
is rekindled and burst into effulgence.

Do not be surprised
if in the dreariness of sorrow
you find a stream of joy
coursing through your being.

Do not be surprised
if at the breaking point of forlorness
you find a caring hand
stretched towards you lost
in a crowd of strangers.

Do not be surprised
even if a chance encounter
bring us together
in the most unforeseen way.

Do not be surprised, never any more
for, this is the way
the unknown rolls into the known;
this is the way every unsaid prayer
gets answered in silence;
this is the way the certainty of providence
reigns supreme over
the statistical probability of coincidence!

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One

a poem by

Ajai Narendran

Fire
When your unspoken words
of tender affection wrote in silence
all that is unsaid,
In that silence, silence began to sing.
I am the lamp you lit
with the warmth of your being;
Your warmth is mine as my effulgence is yours.
In your absence
I flicker and fade…
So when you need some light
in the dark of the night
carry me like a fire in your heart.

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The Elements

a poem by

Ajai Narendran

Fire
The words still left unspoken
set ablaze the spoken words.
Fire, whatever it touches glows,
whatever it leaves is reduced to ashes.

Air
Spoken words swirled
gyrating around the words
still left unspoken.
Even as the most ravaging cyclone
carries within it the centre to which
It must eventually come to rest

Water
A wave, a surge, a relentless upheaval;
Are you to me the river?
Are you to me the sea?
Or indeed the river in the sea?
Are you to me
the tempestuous yet serene voyaging sea itself
which no one entering twice
has ever now found the same!

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The Inevitable

a poem by

Ajai Narendran

As the mist leaves no scar
on the dark green hill,
I leave no scar
on you nor ever will.
When the wind and the hawk encounters
what remains to keep;
so do we encounter
stay, turn and then depart.
As many nights endure the gloom
without the moon or even a star
so will we exit when one is gone afar!

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The Transmutation

a poem by

Ajai Narendran

Last night you beckoned
as if in a wild dream
in a background of blue
like a mighty hawk bravely soaring,
totally liberated taking different altitudes
with burning passion
and all your vigour
along the whirlwind
towards those ecstatic heights
veiled by thick darkness
that found its way out
through the doors of sighs
flung open by the tremors caused
by the rhythmic flutters
of your inexhaustible wings
and later… when the blazing storm
got transformed into a cool gentle breeze
and its soft murmurs
resonated with my pulsating throbs
You too got transformed
into a sweet serene red Rose
slightly withered and trampled
gently swaying in the breeze
after gracefully succumbing to
and surviving, confronting
a ravaging cyclone!

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Hold On…!

a poem by

Ajai Narendran

Do not fret, do not cry
do not tax your last strength
and your heart do not torture.
You are alive within me glowing for ever
and life itself beckons anew
from the sick mattress’s sick wretchedness
to the fresh air of open spaces.
Its much more,
it is addressed like a letter to you,
crisp and clear…
like an envelope tear it across,
with horizon begin correspondence.
Give you life sheer propelling force.
Overcome the sick sense of forlornness.
Break loose and reach out
like a beam of sunlight un-bend!
…then all things
will assume a new dimension!

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Unveiled Serenity

a poem by

Ajai Narendran

You hid yourself in the crowd;
But once and many a time since then
I saw your loveliness displayed
amidst the crowd that moved unconcerned;
among the leaves that no wind stirred…
you moved with swift unconscious grace.
And with each step…
on your intense radiant face grave, patient, wistful
lit by a sudden inner gleam
I found the fulfilment of a dream!

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I Shall Wait

a poem by

Ajai Narendran

I’m saying hello to you
can you hear me?
I await your appearance
ever and for ever more
till the day you come very near
and can hear my faint whisper.
I shall wait even if void encompass all around
making the entire universe
devoid of even a single soul
and I’m left all alone.
Can you see
me falling into the dark abyss,
can you see me
soaring above the lofty peaks
towards your light flickering afar…
You are taking me into and out of hell.
But, still I pursue for, I know that
eventually you will take me out for ever!

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Dilemma

a poem by

Ajai Narendran

I know that
you waited
for a call that never came
and a voice that never said
I am sorry.
I know that
I could have
made that call
and thawed the silence
that now runs
an icy time. I could have…
But I too waited
for a call that never came
and a voice
that never said
I am sorry!

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