I never thought about it before
I just took it to be true
And just they way it was I never thought to blame anyone
For who I had become maybe for a little pain
They didn’t make me react the way I did
Or have me take it to heart- but never for what I was
Maybe it’s because I don’t much like it
I can’t even look into a mirror so I avoided why I was me
And then all of a sudden I look back, back on it all
I can still blame some people for some of the pain
And I suppose I could even blame them for me turning out this way
But it would be a lie to blame it on destiny
Seems stupid because I don’t much believe in it or I do,
But I don’t think it is set and fate is the same
So looking back on me
And the why and the how of how I became this
I realize that it was just me whether or not I can blame me I don’t know
But it was me that turned me out this way
I see the spots where I could have changed
How I could have been someone different
But I didn’t see them then or maybe I just didn’t care
I never followed a set path
I tried to follow three at once
Who cares if they didn’t get along?
I hated advice
I wanted to learn it on my own
I never trusted people
Not even when I was little
And my imagination has always seemed a bit morbid
If that is what it should be called-
But I think that perhaps the lead to it all is that I never thought positively
I never told myself I could do it if I failed at it once
I figured I couldn’t learn to do it
Not to say I would just give up
I mean I did I gave up a lot
It was done more then not
But what I mean is
That if I ever managed to do well
In something that I failed
I blamed it on someone else
If they even tried to help
So the credit was all theirs and never my own
I can’t blame others for what I am I never really tried but now I know I never can
Because I made me this way for better or for worse and only God
Can change who I am and what I might become