Poems by
Rashi Agarwal

It’s 2 a.m.

a poem by Rashi Agarwal

It’s 2 a.m.

I forgot to write this in my letter
So I’ll bleed on these pages in poetry instead
They say ‘pain reduces when you confess’
Funny how mine just spreads

I don’t want to undress my despair any longer
Nor do I wish to offend
This is just my nightmare, my possessed regret
But also the last time
I’m prepared for my farewell

You seemed so sweet and
Reserved the first time
I was flattered, when even with your shy nature
I saw you trying

The situation reversed in not long, I learned
You were a hazard, and had lines all rehearsed
To get me fractured and plastered
At least my attention you did capture
Now I’m a queen of disaster

My scars reminded you
Of parts you hid from the world
Not the fancy facade
So beautifully flawed
In a world that’s fraud

I wasn’t looking for love back then
I had already been broken
Enough by the lies and games
When you made me believe
It didn’t always have to be this way

Little did I know
You didn’t see me as a person
But a challenge
A gripping toy
A game to be played
A mystery to be unraveled
A language to be translated

So you had your fun in the run
Solved my riddle your own way
Arranged the bits of the puzzle all wrong
Got bored and left me astray
You quell in my hate

Darkness all over my sunshine, my bright lights
If you couldn’t solve the pieces right
Why did you tamper with them in the first place
I was at peace with the broken pieces
But how do I rearrange them?

I’ve been hurt before
But never this way
You did the exact things I told you I
Was scared of
Pulled my heart’s strings
Replaced them with deadly stings
Chopped off my wild wings

I don’t like to express my feelings
My mode is usually ‘stay in defense’
To you, I opened up nonetheless, at my expense
Wish I knew it was just a contest
To leave me in constant stress

Perhaps it’s my fault for believing you
And your bullshit
“My sister said I should respect girls
My mom says don’t play with them”
You sure did

I intrigued you when we did meet
For I didn’t fall at your feet
But you won the show
Despite being shallow
Everyday, now I drop to a new low

You left but your toxic trail of wounds
Forgot to take
It’s your morbid memory for me
And how I know I didn’t
Make you up inside my head

Right and wrong I can’t differentiate between any more
But I’m sure you admired me in theory and not concept
But teachers always say that the latter is
Important to score a perfect 10
I hope someday I forget you did exist
Till then, red wine is my best friend

For you it’ll be tale of how an
Apparently seven year old girl slowly crept her way into your cold heart
And I’ll keep to myself
The tainted marks
How it’s been a tear and bloodbath from the very start

You wouldn’t ever see me lamenting though
Because I’m strong
Nor would anyone else
But isn’t that a mere code for the most broken ones as well?

I was a little girl of fifteen
I believed in love
But I’m grateful to now know
The most beautiful insects are also
The most venomous ones

The problem is I was just a chapter for you
But you were my whole book
So you have all hues of the rainbow
And mine’s winter frozen with snow
Fear not, I’ll write another
You’re in the side rows so lay low
I’m the main character
I’ve always been a one man show