A white T-shirt trying to shape itself to fit my torso
A black lower loose enough to allow my legs to breathe in the air
Sport shoes spattered in mud because I jumped in that favourite park of mine while it was raining
My hair wild open and too tangled to be tied up in a neat pony

You see I’m too careless to care about how I look
And I step out of my house
I walk and walk and walk
All those pairs of eyes staring at me as if trying to tell me how lunatic they felt I am

A smirk escapes my lips and I keep walking
For my headphones played no better old fashioned song than ‘better not mess with me’ at that moment
I have nowhere to go
No person is waiting for me
Neither is my presence being missed anywhere, except for, inside me

Here is a pond at the side where water is standing still
As if it’s been too long since it’s waiting for someone
So I go near it
Looking into it as if it would actually answer all my questions

Water reflected the clear and bold scar on my forehead which reminded of the accident
Accident after which my brother cried for continuously more than an hour
For he thought he would be held liable for because he pushed me
While playing chor police in the old house

Also it reminded me of my mother’s warm hug trying to console me
By making me believe that I was ‘her strongest girl’
And I remember how my dad looked away because his too soft heart
Couldn’t bear the sight of blood stained band aid.

The scar played a story of love that was never felt again after that moment
Water is still reflecting my image so honestly
I smile at myself
And I move on

Because that is what I have learnt
Not to stay at a place
Not to hold on to anything
And just move on

I walk into an open ground
And instead of sitting on the perfectly carved benches
I decide to lie on the uneven ground
And look up to imperfectly painted canvas of tints and shades of blues and whites

I see the birds working for their much free life
And again I remember applying for the jobs that were never made for me
Letting my passion go for the hunger of pennies that were never earned
Let me breathe

I want to let it go
My eyes again embrace that canvas
And now I have decided to paint it
But with my colour, red.