Know that you are blessed
With Godly gifts you less care
And smile is one of them
That you put to work so rare
Know that you are beautiful
For you have this smiling face
And when you wear a smile
Nothing can be a better dress
Know that you are rich
For your smile has to learn
That the more you share
The more will you earn
Know that you are at test
By the times good and bad
And nothing will matter
If smile is on your head
Know that you will be happy
If you digest this little secret
That your smile is a curve
That sets everything straight
I have a fear of life to live life as it is
To face the same misery
To face my self again to know how fear is like
To see what I felt in the past
To realize what I should have done
And what I shouldn’t have
As I remember my childhood
Only good memories come in mind
When I laughed and cried
But never anything
Very bad came in mind
On this day all I have is tears
Tears from being who I am
Tears and cries
Of my middle teen memories
Life on my hands
But I threw half away
Away from me
Away from everyone else
On this day more pain had came by
And more tears are to come
As my life is almost dead
As I lay and ask myself
If I would ever live through this
Or would I quit and finish it off
Finish the pain
Finish my life
And make a lot of people happy
For I to be gone
And them to laugh
For I to go
Away from everything
And keep only the good memories
Making my life happy
For ounce I could be happy
Be happy with the people I love
Happy with my misery
Happy and be sad
Am I worth this world?
Will they ever know who I am?
Will they see me as I am?
Or as they think I am?
Will I always stay as they think?
Will they think?
I had after all a tough life
Will they ever know the pain I’ve been through
Or will they think
I had everything I wanted is it how I am?
That worries people
It is how I dress
That makes me not like others
Is it how I feel about things?
Is it just who I am?
Life isn’t just on my side
I’ve been through a lot
For a young child
I don’t deserve the pain I’ve been
But who would ever know
Who would know?
I’m really in pain
why would I show?
What I’ve been through
why life just has to be this way?
I have one fear
it is to live
Live my pain again
Live through it all over again
I never thought about it before
I just took it to be true
And just they way it was I never thought to blame anyone
For who I had become maybe for a little pain
They didn’t make me react the way I did
Or have me take it to heart- but never for what I was
Maybe it’s because I don’t much like it
I can’t even look into a mirror so I avoided why I was me
And then all of a sudden I look back, back on it all
I can still blame some people for some of the pain
And I suppose I could even blame them for me turning out this way
But it would be a lie to blame it on destiny
Seems stupid because I don’t much believe in it or I do,
But I don’t think it is set and fate is the same
So looking back on me
And the why and the how of how I became this
I realize that it was just me whether or not I can blame me I don’t know
But it was me that turned me out this way
I see the spots where I could have changed
How I could have been someone different
But I didn’t see them then or maybe I just didn’t care
I never followed a set path
I tried to follow three at once
Who cares if they didn’t get along?
I hated advice
I wanted to learn it on my own
I never trusted people
Not even when I was little
And my imagination has always seemed a bit morbid
If that is what it should be called-
But I think that perhaps the lead to it all is that I never thought positively
I never told myself I could do it if I failed at it once
I figured I couldn’t learn to do it
Not to say I would just give up
I mean I did I gave up a lot
It was done more then not
But what I mean is
That if I ever managed to do well
In something that I failed
I blamed it on someone else
If they even tried to help
So the credit was all theirs and never my own
I can’t blame others for what I am I never really tried but now I know I never can
Because I made me this way for better or for worse and only God
Can change who I am and what I might become
Countless souls trapped
Inside a glass vase
Eternity waits a mental test
To be stabbed in the chest
The deceit you feel
The reality you face
All the fears locked in just
One place you got to dig deep
To find meaning the prize
Inside always gleaming
Relaxing with the rain
It drizzles down
But don’t think of the pain
Humming the notes of a life
The feelings of winning a fight
Can’t you see the stars
All the goals that seem to far all that hides
In the corners of your mind
Unleash what’s inside
It wont help you feel alive
Search inside for another life
You can’t obtain all the rage just builds
But you must restrain
Advice can only do so much
But not enough
When your minds made up meaningless morals
We’re forced to learn
All the words we say
We take turns accusing one
With all your stupidity without an open mind
It might be hard to see
I try to be nice, but you just laugh.
I’m not fitting in anymore, what can I do?
You don’t realize, but it’s starting to hurt.
When everything’s just right, it always turns to dirt.
Help me, what am I doing wrong?
I don’t understand, I’m there when you’re not strong.
I try to be happy most of the time, but it’s getting harder now,
Knowing your friendship isn’t mine.
The hardest part of being a friend
is knowing when you need it a little
and when you need it a lot.
So just in case you’re in need
of a friendly “hi” today,
I wanted to let you know
I’m here still caring,
still thinking about you,
and still being your friend.
Black is the days that float by,
Black are the tears I cry,
Black are the clouds in the sky,
Black are my thoughts… I wonder why,
Black is everything… Black is my heart,
Black are the things that tore us apart,
Black is the color I painted myself today,
Black are the games we played…
Days past by,
Sitting alone I wonder why,
Why couldn’t you just stay,
With me for one last day,
I pray to God just to let me die,
And slam my hands down and cry and cry,
I should have shown the real me,
And the wonderful person I can be,
Look at me now and look deep,
Watch me sing and watch me weep,
I didn’t show you the real me…
I didn’t know what you’d think of it,
Now I wish I would have… shit!
Please don’t judge me by my face
by my friends or what you hear.
Please don’t laugh at what I wear
Or how I look or do my hair.
Please look deep inside of me.
And although you may not see it
I have a lot to hide.
Behind my clothes, the secrets lie
Behind my smile, I softly cry.
Please look deep inside,
And may be you will find
The lonely girl that lives in me.
Please listen carefully to her
She’ll show that she is insecure.
Please try to be a friend to her
And maybe you will see,
that if you just look deep enough
you’ll find the real me.
So many questions
So little time
Sometimes I ask
Am I losing my mind?
So many decisions
I know I can’t make
So much criticism
I simply just can’t take
I can’t please everyone
Though I will always try
Sometimes I get discouraged
But I don’t know why
I hate all the pressures
That are brought upon me
To many decisions
Then I’d rather there be
I just can’t stand it
Don’t know what to do
To feel what I feel
If only you knew
I’m not looking for sympathy
I just wish it would end
But I feel it’s a battle
That I’ll never win.