Unanswered Questions and Wishful Thinking

a poem by Charishma Jaikishin Ramchandani

After many months today
I decided to write a poem.
The poem was on Goddess Parvati… the beautiful wife of Lord Shiva
They say if you pray to Her, she blesses you with your true soulmate.

Soulmate, Heartmate, Lifemate and Love
Dizzy words aren’t they?
The words of love, attraction and the like
Make you see stars at day, don’t they?

They say love is a glorious feeling,
It happens only once
It sweeps you off your feet
And places you on pink clouds up above!

If this is true and love it is
Then how could what my eyes just saw possibly be true?

My soulmate doesn’t call me these days,
Or care to say a “Hi”
Come festivals like Dussehra and I greet him,
He ignores me, leaves me in tears and plunges my soul into an endless sigh!

That’s NOT fine, but bearable, knowing the busy genius that he is
With reports to finish, assignments to complete and a PhD in Microbiology to achieve!
I’ve stood by him (discussed his presentation, the clothes he’d wear for it, yada yada!),
I’ll stand by him,
I’ll be his till the brightest star sets forever, and if there is a morrow then,
Even then and thereafter,
But what I just saw on Poetsindia.com, left me in a shock I’d expected never!

He’d written poems that I then read, slowly, one by one
Guess what I saw, they were written on the unforgettable day of September 27th
Isn’t this an irony in itself?

Moving on I pondered over ’em carefully, as though scrutinising an examination sheet,
My heart felt heavy, my limbs felt weak, my head as though in a coma…

Just a question rang out and echoed in my head:
What is my fault? Why is my love writing poems on Swathika?
Why is he dreaming? What are these thoughts? What is just going on??

Baffled with a thousand questions,
And lost in space in the visual world
My fingers crept up to my cell,
Which close to my ears I tightly held…
Scared as though the phone would be answered by Lord Yama from hell!

Trrring… trrring… the phone bell rang,
The whole of me centered in my soul
An unheard voice said “Hello”
No its not ‘Sai’, I knew at once!

Yeah that’s ‘his’ name, I know ‘his’ voice,
How could I possibly not?
He wasn’t at home, had gone to Ganesh’s place
I was talking to Steve (his roommate) and left my name with him
For Sai to call back, but it’s still in vain!

I want to say a 100 things,
Whisper in his ears sweet nothings
I want to fly to Baltimore (Maryland),
Knock on his door and into his loving arms, soar!

Oh Dear Goddess Parvati,
Will I ever meet ‘him’ for whom I flew to USA?
I have said my prayers; my love is true
So into Sai’s soul, please Oh ‘Ma’, will some ‘charisma of Charishma’ you brew?