My Feelings

a poem by Adurthi Sushana

Peeping out of the curtain of life.
As dark as night,
A pit I can see.
“Uncertain and scared”, that is how I feel,
When I think aloud,
“What do the Gods have in store for me?”
Under the bludgeons of chances and trust,
My head feels heavy and confused.
The menace of the years, that keeps haunting me,
Finds me in a whirlpool of tears.
I try not to think,
How strait the gate towards success is,
Or, how charged with punishments would the scroll be?
But I always find myself thinking about them,
Which makes me scared, unsteady and low.
I try not to think what life holds for me,
But I end thinking about them.
And all I can see is a pit dark as night.
I do not know what I want from life.
Riches I hold in light esteem,
But love, I hug to my heart.
And lust for fame, is just a dream,
Vanishing from my dreams forever.
But, yet,
I wish to satisfy that lust,
And pray to God,
That my swift days near their goal.
It is all that I want from God.
And it is all that I implore.
Shall I find comfort in what I do?
Shall I gain the trust of my parents?
Is a question that has never been answered?
I try not to lose the self-esteem,
And the confidence in me,
To become something big in life.
But as days go by, I find them fast exhausting.
I try not to loose hope in life,
‘Cause I know, there is much more to come.
My past has been dark,
But I see the future as a bright light.
I see the present the way it is,
And console my lonely heart.