A Lost Identity

a poem by Vidya Kudva

When you see this,
I may not be here
not because you haven’t given me anything,
you gave me all that you could.
But I have to go
coz I have lost myself.

Lost myself in picking up,
cleaning, dusting and arranging.
Life has become a series of tasks
day in and day out.

I need to find out
who I am, what I am,
what life is all about,
seems selfish and crazy.

But tell that to someone
who doesn’t know what to do
if left alone completely
for a day or so.

Till I think of myself as
someone’s wife or mother
sister or daughter,
I disown myself.

I have to find the lost being
whom you fell in love with,
the one who had dreams and aims
and not only the duties ahead.

Questioning myself
my inconsequential existence,
asking relentless questions
I need to find answers about myself.

Only then shall I return
from the lees of my life,
as an entity, a whole person
knowing my true identity.