Seeds of Deception

a poem by Varun Sahay

I fear
even when I trust,
the thought enveloped me
like a blanket wrapped tightly
around my neck, slowly strangling
me as I lost my breadth,
You returned to your last lover.
I believe that is plausible
as nothing makes sense,
the game was played brilliantly,
I lost my senses in blind faith.
Trusting instinctively without fear,
trust should be felt, not heard
like the rain washing my soul
gently caressing my stressed mind,
why is it that I am gullible,
enough, to believe that you cared,
the picture is being re-painted
even though contact is left behind.
I see you in your bed
smiling, briefly with your last lover
and then I flash before your beautiful eyes,
the pain shoots through your soul, momentarily,
your mind has chosen your path.
Your lover gently caresses you
bringing you back into the presence
I am lost, a vision, hopefully,
you hope not to be retrieved.
Truth stares at me smilingly
I feel the distrust building
calmly, like the calm before the storm,
in everyone around me.
“Is this true”
I yearn to ask you
but our wall of shame stops me.
You did not lie
you did not speak,
you did not say anything at all
but you did not justify your silence, scheming
as I played into your hands, like the fisherman
who waited for the tides to turn
before he got what he sought.
Now are you happy,
to hurt me and to have made your last lover
realise after he was hurt and he had yearned,
that you are the master, the queen in a chess game,
even though you did not play.