The feeling you most often don’t feel

a poem by Mary-jane

I’ve surfed through the internet
To know what exactly is the feeling that traps me in a net
I tend to think of all those stupid boundaries
And write sad lines on tear stained daires

I’ve clutched my pillow at night
Try to stop the clenched pain with all my might
I’ve tried to stop the ever flowing tears
It stops. Then I say nobody cares
And once again I’m hit with a tsunami
And I am back to a brain-dead zombie

Sometimes I place my hand on my chest to check if it’s beating
Oh! You do that too
Probably not

Let’s just say I have a problem
One that leaves me with everything but solemn
I try to gather all these awful thoughts
But they slip through my fingers like they’ve never been caught

This is the feeling you often don’t feel
One that drags you out like a banana peel
You’ll say all sots of things to cry
Call out with might to the tears that never dry
And them by half past twelve
In the middle of your empty room
You’re eyes will drop
And you’ll go to sleep