Category Archives: Inventions

Some Meretricious Facts Pertaining to Rat

a poem by

Mer`e*tri”cious. Resembling the arts of a harlot;
alluring by false show; gaudily and deceitfully ornamental; tawdry.

My hair is high and my beard is thick
My golfing swing is deft and slick
I order food by use of hands
I smell it, taste it using glands.

O High Priest of TV Twittery
Polarize my pitches
Denigrate my
Carnal knowledge
Of Morbid Midlanders
And nubile leprechauns.

When I pass my driving test
I shall wear a ‘Darius’ vest.

Rat one day said to Gobshite O’Rourke
“The show’s not working we have to talk”
Rat’s new series ‘The Shame of Dogs’
Is something Kevin Hyland logs.

O just imbiber of ocelot lights
Visit me noondays
And pass loud wind
Emit gusts
Of such rankness and fervour
That Leather and Lenses commissions it.

When I pass my driving test
I shall drive to Worthing
Then I’ll drive to Wittering
Which is just a little West.

I Rat
Shall
Conquer
The Box
Just give me
Money
Stories
And buffoons
And I shall thee equip
With
Succulent
Documentaries
No bugger will watch.

The Aussie Icon

a poem by

Out back among the millions, does stand an Aussie proud
Amongst the many families, of rich and common crowd
An icon with a story and far renowned repute
A simple thing with history, which many think is bute.

Been through the generations, it’s been there all the way
Swung some hefty loads around, as still they do today
Been used as play ground for the kids, a climber for a rose
A thing of many uses, which God of only knows.

A basic Aussie structure, as is the BBQ
The one thing seen in every yard, except for just a few
Been used as pole to pee on, a tent when it was hot
Amazing all the uses that simple tool has got.

It is the Hills I speak of, the hoist which all do know
Say Hills hoist when in public and smiles will quickly show
Cos it’s been there forever, when mums and dads were young
A miracle in motion, as round and round it swung.

And though there’s imitations, the Hills is still the best
Through the years and years of work, they always passed the test
This country seems to love them, for Aussie true they are
As our Southern Cross above, this icon is a star.

Innovation

a poem by

Innovation is a must in trade
Else, your business will fade
Always look for something new
Be among the chosen few
Lead the way in your field
And its success you can yield
Make yours a famous name
Go ahead, win the business game.