Poems by Komil

I’m tired, I still go on…

a poem by

Komil

I let the candle burn
I let the sweat run
Can’t hold it anymore
But I still go on…
And before the night falls into another burning day
I let my tears burn wherever my shadows lay
Hoping they would make a mark
A ray of hope in pitch dark
For I’m tired… I still go on…

But before the day arrives
And takes them out of sight
I want to see them all
Before I move in bright
But to all as it seems bright
That day is darker than night
And so I hold my night before it falls
For this night gives me a vision to see it all
The shadows on this wall…

I see a maiden dressed in light
Braiding someone’s hair
I see a game of hide and seek
Worth someone finding her pair
I see two girls fighting and cribbing
And ever refusing to share
I see two arms consoling each other
To believe I’m always there…

And so my tears burn
Where the shadows run
And there they leave a mark
Craving to hold on
For I’m tired, but I still go on…

Half the candle burned away
Half the night swept away
And slowly the shadows reduce to half
I see no maiden but I still see someone
Someone I see only half…

I now see some strange shadows around
Torturing the soul unbound
Binding it in cages of fear
Of love, of happiness, of hollow tears
But the marks are different here
Those traced of red
Capturing the lost sound…

But the shadow escapes those marks
Again I let it go
And likewise I let the time flow
To dry the left over marks
For I’m tired, I still go on…

I light a new candle for the night still remains
And darker it gets as my vision expands
And darker it gets as the shadow expands
My innocent self becomes fearful behind the shadow stains…

The shivering shadow turns fearless
Fearless in search of existence
Fearless in search of being
And I see someone moving alone
Alone in the company of dreams…

And there the night falls
My tears come to light
I find no marks
I find no shadow
All engulfed in bright…

The fearful shadow disappears
The fearless self remains
And here my vision ends
And here I turn insane…

The blind self craves for light
In the day full of shimmering bright
It is blind, it loves to be so
For light it cannot take in
In search of light, in want of light
In dark it flew all night
And so the light has made it blind
And the craving self goes on…

I let the sweat run
And the dead candle burn
And the lost shadow run…

For the day is here to make me blind
And I keep searching in dark
My crave for light will forever go on…

I’m tired, I still move on…

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The Solitary Bed

a poem by

Komil

Sitting on this bed, the night stirs before me…
It shivers, one solitary being.
Haunted by my presence, the night
Constantly stares at my solitary bed…

The bed so made up… made up with quilt-
Rose coloured covered by the warmth of
A woolen sheet…
The bed so warm
And yet so cold… cold for the night
Shivers at its sight… at its warmth,
The solitary bed

Rose or is it dark… is it darker than the rose, or eyes
Forever unslept, see a vision… an exalted vision
Of colours
Darker colours
Brighter colours
Colours of boldness…
Colours of violence or love…
Colours of pink or blue…
Blue or black…
Black or red…

Fantasies join the fragments of this night…
Night, staring at the solitary bed…
Bed, the only little object
The seeming dead amongst all objects in this room…
Or is it the only thing that still holds life…
Still holds breathe…
Breathe or is it struggle
Cold… utterly cold…
Amongst perspiration…

Bed made up and spoilt…
Each time… each time it dares
To breathe… breathe seems gone
And warm turns cold…
Cold is it
Or utterly warm…
Warm with colours…
Colours of violence…
Colours of love…

Bed-solitary bed
Challenging the solitary night…
The night is not jealous…
A sight, too horrible
To be envied…
The night is sad… and yet happy…
Happy and safe…
And lucky…

Fragments of this bed, join together
Woven with dreams…
Dreams
If it ever sleeps…
For sleep never comes…
And so it dreams…
Dreams with eyes, ever longing to close…
Close
Enfold themselves…
In the woven dream…
Was it rose it saw…
Was it pink… pink or blue…
Blue or pink…
Or was it black…
Or was it red…
The ever solitary eyes…
Staring
Wide
Was it violence or love…
Pink or blue…
Black or red…
The bed… solitary bed…
Stares at the shivering night…
Night seems its sole companion…
Night seems warm, as it seems to the bed…
Comfort… comfort it does not find
In rose coloured quilts…
Or woolen sheets…
Or woven dreams…

Nights, but they shiver away…
The night insists, struggles
And escapes
The dreaded solitary
Of the bed…

Bed the solitary bed…
Was it night or the bed…
The night deceives the bed…
The night is safe…
Safe in the moonlight…

The bed-fragments-
Ever so old… aged
Can’t hold on…
And yet so fresh… so ripe…
Yet so wanting… yet so giving…
The bed so old…
It is ignorant…
It is a new born baby…
Come to life… every time,
And then the fragments break again
And eyes
Forever unslept… wide open
See itself… the aged,
The solitary being, the bed

The night blesses its solitary…
The night prays, the night
But it cannot help…

There she stands
With its moon…
A symbol, a victim, a witness
To the aged solitary bed…
Was it pink or blue
Or black…
Was it violence or love…
What colour did it see-the moon
What did it see..
The ever unslept moon…

Was it pink or dark…
Black…
No…
It holds something more…
Was it red…
Was that BLOOD

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Flames of our Love

a poem by

Komil

Sometimes in pitch dark, when your memory strikes my heart…
I apply the same formula to stop the ringing bells
Which are every ready to tear the walls of my heart…
Sleep withering far away, my eyes try to compete with the dark,
They try to absorb all darkness engulfing it with flames…
Flames of burning love…
Which has burned away my blur vision
And has blessed me with a never ending vision…
Vision, which can pierce the dark,
The walls of my room, the dull and gloomy clouds
Who neither let the sun shine nor share their burden with earth,
The never ending boundaries of sky…
It just goes on…

Flames
Fames of love
Love which strikes the bells of my heart
And my heart like that long green branch outside,
Keeps swinging too and fro, never at rest
The branch is big, and thus weak…
Can’t bear the burden of that parrot
Who enjoying his swing does not realise the pain it causes…
But they merge in so well… a blend of colours, happiness, playful delight…
Everything moves… seems to flutter the parrot’s wings,
The branch, the wind, the flame and thus my heart…
Painful yet in delight…

And thus I apply my formula, lying down enclosed from all sides,
I see you with me in my little nest… our eyes meet… and the flame burns
We cry together, we laugh together, we eat together, we sleep together…
The colour blends… the parrot swings and the branch delightfully bears the pain…

Hope shivers, voice quivers, the pain my soul bears is hard to deliver
Ambitions fall apart
Alone the soul wanders, when with all its colour contrasts
And finds company in just one
With whom my faith forever lasts
And then the dark becomes bright
By the spell you cast
All my insult vanishes, and once again
The colours merge finding delight swinging with pain…

And yet when they throw a knife
Making my soul hew poison aimed not at me, but at you…
My soul breaks, for how can it bear the world going against somebody so true…
There all my patience ends, my love vanishes, my peace turns unrest
And the wind turns to storm…
But still you don’t let me blow at them
Why…
Why do you stop me…
For aren’t the flames so strong, that they could burn all evil, all untrue…

Sometimes in pitch dark, when your memory strikes my heart,
I apply the same formula and in our nest we live together…
Never to depart

But when the evil dark blinds my vision, my voice calls
It shrieks scaring away the dark
My voice defy the heaven and earth and hell
All lay weak in front of its power
My voice reaches the space filling it with air,
It makes the planets revolve thrice fast its speed…
It takes a round and enters the globe again with a force
Through which even the gods shake
One profound cause of the earthquake
And then the clouds break letting the sun shine…

My voice looses its vigour, it softly enters your room and whispers…
There it lights a candle… and the flame burns
You come back to vision… and we live together
For all colours merge
The parrot swings, the bell rings, the branch flows,
The pain glows, the light breaks, the evil shakes and forever keeps glowing…
THE FLAME OF OUR LOVE…

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Silence-1

a poem by

Komil

BEAUTY… beauty in one form, beauty in all forms
Some on earth, some in heaven, some in animals, some in nature
BEAUTY… beauty in one form, beauty in all forms

Cold winter night and the rain pouring down heavily… sleepless night, endless night
What is it that wakes one for so long
REALISATION… realisation of beauty in one’s heart
Enclosed room, warmth of a bed, cozy quilt
And one still wakes
Cold, sleepless, endless night

Here inside a room with four walls around, no one to be with
All alone… where loneliness haunts
It haunts when it feels the rain pouring outside
It haunts when the music fills an ear and carries its wave to the heart
Sitting here I realise, how can one be alone with so much around
SILENCE… sleepless silence… endless silence…
It brings in so much, Oh! If only one could understand its nature
For it binds in itself all the waves that destroy a pure heart,
That brings pain to the very meaning of life… how could one define this nature of silence

Clouds… heavy as they are… clouds of pain, of mystery, of pain, of confusion
Those which carry the weight of tears, sleepless tears, endless tears…
Cold night… cold winter night and the rain pouring down… sleepless rains… endless rains…
Beautiful as they are, as they wash away the dust which has covered the leaves for ages

These rains… these screams… this music
This voice of pain pours out in a cold winter night
It pours to clear away the dust, to bring something new… to bring something different
I lie here in silence… silence which precedes these rains…
Silence that carries so much… silence that haunts

Beautiful as the heart is, pure as the heart is
Human existence is as beautiful as this
Calm, unknown… but true… it binds itself in relations
One soul, one heart is bound by many souls
Those who give birth to the soul being the very first…
Other souls which have evolved through the same, become the next
Beauty in the heart, in the soul, being loved by so many others
Tender it is… warm it is… It brings in the beauty of life…
It blossoms within the existence of other lovable souls
It develops and slowly evolves its own world
There are many that it meets during its passage of life,
Many that it leaves behind
Many that permanently leave their impression in one’s mind

What binds anyone together?
It is something that has brought about the very existence of the soul
Something that nurtures it at every step
Something that brings about the very meaning of beauty
It is the silence, the music, the passion, the fervour, the warmth,
The suffering, the pain, the image, the sculpture, the art, the flourishing
And increasing nature of LOVE…
Love that deepens as the soul grows, love that bonds them together
Wherever this beauty of love slowly looses its impact, its impression, its image
And goes into a deep dark hollow… hollow which haunts
It is there that the very existence of silence begins…
Haunted silence… Sleepless silence… Endless silence
Silence which gives birth to its own life… which makes man soulless, heartless
Like a mountain built by ages of enclosed mud
Rain pours on it… hard, she slaps his face, drenches him in her tears… pours out her pain
But the mountain stands there… still, unmoved, unaffected… it would not break
But no… it would break… one day it would break…
It would break and turn into mud that would flow along with the river
And touch the feet of shores of many countries
It would then surrender itself completely to the power of love

A soul which fights and struggles to survive amongst many souls… it wins, but looses itself
Looses its very existence… but that’s how it goes
Nature of the soul, nature of the silence… sleepless silence… endless silence…

Rhythm of nature and music in it
The smell of earth when it receives the first drop of rain
The bright green colour of leaves when they take their bath in the beautiful rain
How much each drop contribute to make world beautiful
To evolve new forms of beauty
Rhythm that each drop makes evolves into a new note of music
So much the rain gives which the earth receives with gratitude
But the earth doesn’t give anything in return except
For a few more clouds which would come back to her
It is so the nature of life
One soul has to suffer to bring something new to the world
It has to burn, evaporate, cry, scream, burst, die
To bring something new and something fresh… but this goes on…

It is the story of every soul
Every soul that exists
Would meet the same end
And it would contribute
But contribute to what
To silence… haunted, sleepless, endless silence
For when each soul suffers in pain
The world would be left of nothing but SILENCE…

BEAUTY, which surrounds the stillness of this night
Makes me all the more excited to discover
That what surrounds me and brings pain and silence
Is this warm and tender ‘blanket of love’

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My Fantasy

a poem by

Komil

Sometimes I wonder,
Wonder as well I do…
One as we are from heart and soul,
Why did he make us two….
For neither time nor distance take us away…
If you were in me and I were in you…
And innocent as I am from heart and soul…
So do I wonder as well I do…
We could escape this harsh reality
If you were in me and I were in you.

Some times as I wonder, if only this could happen,
Complications could have turned much to an ease,
As then you could acknowledge the secret my heart bears for you…
For then my heart would not simply be mine,
But a part of you… simpler,
As it would have been to besiege your heart,
For then it would be a possession of my soul, innocent as it is true…
You could have known me, and I could have besieged you…
If only you were in me and I were in you…

The next step I take,
Would take me to heaven,
As success would touch my feet,
And for all that I long,
This air will carry me through…
But oh! I know there is something to leave behind and some thing to sacrifice…
And that would be just one, and one that would be you…

As in the next moment, you would fly to your own sweet world to make life beautiful,
And nothing would you leave behind, but my dreams and crave for you…
And then no one will ever notice the pearls in my little eyes which portray…
How much I long for you…
For innocent as I am from heart and soul.and my feelings purely true…

Some times I wonder, wonder as well I do…
If you were in me and I were in you…

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Silence-2

a poem by

Komil

Today once again I felt my silence come and sit besides me…
No today I am not unhappy… but peace… in absolute peace I lay…
Still there is a wave of disturbance in my heart which tells me that a big storm is awaiting…
I remember mentioning the silence after the storm… here I talk of its nature before one…

The silence that provokes ones mind with memories of the past,
That deadly silence is pathetic
But not as much as the silence which brings about the splintering thoughts of future
Which makes one shudder..
Changing circumstances in one’s life can create a monotonous space.
It ain’t easy, I agree, to accept and compromise on past,
Which has already inflicted injury upon us,
But isn’t it more trembling a fact to compromise on forthcoming miseries…

Its like the fate of a leaf which is half brown, half green and who’s seen his companions,
The brown leaves fall from their branch and mingle into the brown earth…
How hard would it be for the leaf to accept that he has to meet one day the same end…
Silence, that burns one from inside,
On the very thought of the known and
Yet to come future is what I talk of today…

It is restless, excited and active
Unlike the silence which proceeds these disastrous nerve wrecking events
Which in contrast is fatigued, inactive, and deadly…
This silence is not deadly, it is full of life.
It is restless… restless in want of making a change…
A change in order to avoid the future… to avoid the inevitable future…

Silence which proceeds has born all its consequences,
It knows of its own nature and what harm it can cause,
As has already inflicted on one being…
But the silence which precedes is an opposite and dangerous to what the first has been…
Circumstances as one knows cannot be changed…
But the silence, restless enough to bring about a change,
Can sometimes drastically affect the life of one bearing this prolonged silence…
It can change one’s personality, character, nature, state of mind, conscience, view of life…
In extreme cases it can also turn one insane or mindless…

Today once again I feel my silence come and sit besides me…
It has made the dead alive, the peace restless and
Transformed the inactive dullness of my life
To an active and exciting voice of pain…
My heart today shirks of its own thoughts
And fears the forthcoming circumstances… the nerverecking future…

It fears how they would affect its previously affected wavelengths
How pathetic can one circumstance make out of an already dead soul
But that consolation I cannot give my heart today,
As this silence has brought in dead
The waves of life.
But that of a pain greater than any other…

I’m not unhappy today
I’m just restless, to bring about a change, somehow
So as to stop those waves of life…
To escape the boundaries of my heart…
Once again…

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