Poems by Dhanya Krishnakumar

A blurred life

a poem by

Dhanya Krishnakumar

Continuance an illusion
Yet a reason for existence
Leech-like we cling
And crib to destiny
The irony of life
Love of a complete nature
And yet one that’s unfulfilled
Reality another mirage
A jealous cause
A game to indulge
Lighter moments, silly fights
Faith remains
But for what
You trust blindingly
Yet a loser
A crazy feeling
Unconquered
Wait and long in silence
Acting, masking pain
Hurt, anger, possession, need
Delusions a way out
The night sobs along
Screaming profanity at fate
Partner in crime and loss
The only constant
The significant other in disguise
A sad truth
I look around
He ain’t hiding
He ain’t there at all.
A world apart
We act like bosom pals
No love lost
Perfect strangers on a flight
She hugs him
I look with indulgence
A couple I adore
The heart torn
A bemused me
Something tugs at your sanity
Honey run for your life.
But I chide it into hiding
This is my man
And yet the distance kills
His smiles of longing for her
I break into a sweat
The act wearing
My drink tumbles
My hands drip
I turn away
My life a blur
A continuing illusion.

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Crying for you…

a poem by

Dhanya Krishnakumar

Oh this agony that my love brings
I wish I had
That one moment back
To make amends
To ask forgiveness
To undo my swarthiness
That he would forgive
My blindness
My foolishness
My cruelty
My selfishness
A dream untrue
But I hope and I hope
That he would talk to me
Make me feel like I was wanted once again
Alas he mourns alone
His pain – my making
I wish I were but someone else
I wish I could but make things right
Go back in time
And hold him close and push it away
But that won’t happen
He hurts and I hurt
I cry for him
I mourn with him
Yet he doesn’t see
My penance
My apology falls on deaf ears
While I plead
He walks away
Far from me to see no more
Of this being
Who hurts and loves in turn
And never looks back
And asks for once
Honey, are you alright?
What can I do to make you happy?
Misunderstandings
Ones that are never erased
For my follies speak louder
But please for once
Listen my love
I am not bad
I merely love with all my heart
And no one sees my love for you
Sadly, Not even you!
And here I burn in hell for you
My desires
My dreams
Are all full of you
So please wake up
And take me home
For I will perish
If you leave me alone

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Beauty Concerns

a poem by

Dhanya Krishnakumar

Propping myself on one elbow,
I called out to the maid,
Asking for breakfast to be served in bed.
I was feeling worn out
As on other days when I woke up,
After my beauty sleep lasting 11 hours.
My looks that meant a lot to me,
Had to be taken care of
With creams, lotions, face packs,
Age-defying complexes and all new products
That were conjured up by the cosmetologists.
Undeterred by the growling faces put on by my father,
Who had to pay my never-ending bills.
I had a special diet
Of fruits and fresh juices and boiled vegetables
Aren’t they but yummy?
And having filled my stomach
Its time now for my afternoon nap.
And then again for a cup of lemon tea,
I wake up and covered in cream
Give my small nephew the scare of his life,
And he in his innocence believes,
That he has had a ghostly visitation.
Oh, all these ignorant mortals.
After dinner its time to go to bed
I have to avoid getting those darned dark circles
Applying an overnight moisturizer,
And having had my vitamins
I cuddle in bed
And sleepily bid “gooni” to my mother
Who’s come to put off the lights
And to see that her cranky daughter
Who’s chocolate brown in color
Now she would never say black and hurt ma feelings,
Has gone off to sleep with no weird
Contraptions sticking to her face
To make her look fairer in the morning

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Lies and more lies!

a poem by

Dhanya Krishnakumar

Lies, lies, lies!
Ah the many that I invent
To save myself some pain
And anonymity
And the few that are white
To save my skin
Yet their need surprises me
They rule our existence
One you make up
Another few to substantiate the first
And then a few to mark your ignorance
Of the one intended
For the facts elude you
So why create them at all?
To meet an inherent need
Of being in utopia?
To fulfill desires that are scorned?
To mark your superiority,
To yourself in times of doubt?
The uses of lying!
Delusion, existence, inferiority?
Or some other need of man
The subject hasn’t yet discovered?
I am a connoisseur
My game past doubt
I delude myself
And the rest of humanity
With my sweet little anecdotes
Which never existed
They make me content
And I fight for them
Like I never do
For in some way
They define
My fears
And my need for recognition
As someone who can spin tales
And makes others laugh
Or sympathize
Ah the irony of life
It exhibits a new form
A compulsive liar
God forbid
My becoming one.

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The other one…

a poem by

Dhanya Krishnakumar

She walked in
Head held high
We hated each other
She smiled
Oh so benevolently
We loved him
With all we could muster
He loved us
On different planes
One a wife
The other!
Who was I?
A mistress?
A whore?
An occasional lay?
The other woman?
The one who stole him away?
Spoilt his marital bliss
The witch
The bitch
The despicable one
Wasn’t my love pure?
Didn’t I have the freedom to choose a man?
A partner who was an equal
Someone I respected
I was in awe of
And then this nubile wife
Petite and slight
She had him
All for herself
Irony of fate?
A bond of true understanding and love?
I suspect that
But he would not leave her
Bonds strengthened him
She stood by him
Had he ever tried me?
My loyalty
No
I was the one who was curt
The one who made mistakes?
The one who hurt his feelings?
The one who could always falter?
Was he ashamed of me?
Was he ashamed of what I held dear?
He does
It slights him to lie and run into my arms
It’s beneath him
One of his stature would not resort to
And yet I feel he needs me
Was he but a liar?
Or did I live in a dream?
I love my illusion
It infuses life in me
Would he ever fathom that?
He might
But never acknowledge it.
And I would cling to it
To add meaning
To add poetry
To my barren life
And all I did was love him
What had I but done wrong?

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Crying for you

a poem by

Dhanya Krishnakumar

Oh this agony that my love brings
I wish I had
That one moment back
To make amends
To ask forgiveness
To undo my swarthiness
That he would forgive
My blindness
My foolishness
My cruelty
My selfishness
A dream untrue
But I hope and I hope
That he would talk to me
Make me feel like I was wanted once again
Alas he mourns alone
His pain – my making
I wish I were but someone else
I wish I could but make things right
Go back in time
And hold him close and push it away
But that won’t happen
He hurts and I hurt
I cry for him
I mourn with him
Yet he doesn’t see
My penance
My apology falls on deaf ears
While I plead
He walks away
Far from me to see no more
Of this being
Who hurts and loves in turn
And never looks back
And asks for once
Honey, are you alright?
What can I do to make you happy?
Misunderstandings
Ones that are never erased
For my follies speak louder
But please for once
Listen my love
I am not bad
I merely love with all my heart
And no one sees my love for you
Sadly, Not even you!
And here I burn in hell for you
My desires
My dreams
Are all full of you
So please wake up
And take me home
For I will perish
If you leave me alone.

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Absurdity that’s life

a poem by

Dhanya Krishnakumar

This life so worn out,
a mirage
not of consequence
to end up as ashes.
Why an overconcerted effort?
These unwanted concerns
of human existence
a trivial pastime
to merely satiate a stranger’s curiosity.
Why take on the excess burden?
One that could be avoided.
Yet these nonsensical forays
that rule our senses
add meaning to the very absurdity
called life…

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