Poems by Alankrita Pandey

Such love as this

a poem by Alankrita Pandey

You and me, the drama unfolded
Caring and Caring
Love and Love
Different kinds.
Involvement
And distance
Yet understanding. Maybe

I wonder
What was it you saw
Perceived depth
Shallow gravity
Innocuous happenings
Significantly meaningless

Did it hurt?
Did it matter?
The nearness
Your truth and my truth
And you knew they were
Not the same

I was blind
But you
Knowing what was not
And Knowing it would not be
Persisted

Of course I am guilty
Of course it hurts
Of course I feel responsible
I do care, you know

And yet
You expect me to live on
As if it was not
Only my truth a reality
Yours an illusion

I cannot love you
Yet you punish me
By caring still
Hate me
Be Bitter
Forget
Anything but this
Calm acceptance of the way things are
Of the way they will be

I will not ask forgiveness
There is nothing I have done
Will only wonder
If I can ever be deserving
Of a love such as this.